Darkness Isn’t a Puzzle, It’s a Place

The other day, I was sitting in a support group when someone quoted a line from a book that stopped me dead in my tracks: "Darkness isn't a puzzle, it's a place." I loved that sentiment. And as soon as I heard it, my mind started racing, and I realized just how much this idea has been running through my life.

For as long as I can remember, whenever I’ve felt "off," or stuck in a difficult place, I’ve tried to figure out why. What’s causing this dark feeling? If I could just understand what the darkness was really about—if I could just find the reason behind it—then maybe I could solve it. But you know what? That only led me to more and more frustration. The deeper I dug into trying to “fix” it, the darker it seemed to get.

What I’ve come to understand, though, is that darkness is not a problem to be solved—it’s a place we must move through. We’re all going to have moments of darkness, whether it’s through loss, addiction, grief, or just the heavy, unexplainable stuff that hits us unexpectedly. And while it’s easy to think of these moments as something to conquer, the truth is: they’re not puzzles to solve, but phases of life that we need to move through in order to get to the other side.

The Puzzle Myth: Stop Overthinking It

It’s a bit like if I were to offer you a 40-pound weight vest and tell you to wear it for 30 days. Most of us would immediately reject the idea, right? We’d want to know why. What’s the point? Is this some kind of twisted experiment to test our endurance? Maybe it’s a metaphor for life’s challenges, but it feels more like a bad joke than anything else.

Now, imagine for a second that instead of questioning it, you just put the vest on and got to work. You’d probably hate every minute of it—your shoulders would hurt, your back would ache, and you’d be ready to quit by the end of the first day. But what if you kept going? By the end of the 30 days, you’d have grown stronger. You’d be more resilient. And the next time I asked you to pick up a smaller weight, it wouldn’t seem so hard.

That’s how I’ve started to view darkness. It’s not something that can be solved with a “Eureka!” moment or by overthinking it into oblivion. It’s the weight vest that makes us stronger as we move through it. And while we may not feel it in the moment, that heaviness has the potential to be a gift—one that we don’t necessarily want but one that gives us the strength to carry even more the next time life throws a challenge our way.

Moving Through, Not Overcoming

So how do you move through the darkness instead of trying to solve it? Here are a few ideas that have helped me:

Stop Searching for the “Reason”
We love to know why things happen, especially the hard stuff. But sometimes, there is no answer. Sometimes, the darkness just is. Instead of trying to dissect it or assign meaning, try to let it exist without judgment. It’s a place, not a problem.
Allow Yourself to Feel
We often try to avoid or suppress the feelings that come with darkness. But feeling those emotions—anger, sadness, confusion—is part of moving through it. Give yourself permission to feel without guilt or shame. That’s the first step to navigating the darkness.
One Step at a Time
Think of darkness like a hallway you have to walk through. You don’t need to sprint to the end; you just need to take one step at a time. Focus on getting through the day, the hour, or even the moment. Keep moving.
Find Small Moments of Light
Even in the darkest times, there are tiny sparks of light. It might be a good conversation, a quiet moment of peace, or even just a brief laugh with a friend. Hold onto these moments. They’re your lifelines.
Trust the Process
I won’t lie to you—darkness can feel overwhelming. But trust that it won’t last forever. It’s a phase, and it too shall pass. You won’t be stuck here forever, even if it feels that way.

The Gift of Darkness

Here’s the paradox: darkness is uncomfortable, yes. But in many ways, it’s also a gift. It’s the challenge that builds our strength, our resilience, and our character. Like that 40-pound vest, it’s temporary, but it changes us in ways we often don’t realize until we look back.

We all want the light. We crave it. But we can’t truly appreciate it until we’ve spent time in the darkness, moving through it, and coming out the other side a little stronger than we were before.

So next time you find yourself in a dark place, remember: it's not a puzzle to solve. It’s a place to be. And when you’re ready, you’ll move through it—one step at a time—until the light feels that much sweeter.

Darkness Isn’t a Puzzle, It’s a Place